Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
