i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
His nipple licking is glorious
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