worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
