how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
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I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
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Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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