I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize