Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
