I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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