I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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