well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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