Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
