Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
