Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
