i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
