foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
