She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
40s are totally the cure
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
