Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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