just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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