Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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