I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
