I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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