Hey man sorry I got all grabby
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
