Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
