i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
