If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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