Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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