I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
