Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
