how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
