Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
