Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
