So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
