...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
