the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
