Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
