I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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