I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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