Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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