I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
