I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My vagina is officially offended.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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