so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
