i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
