Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
