I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
