I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize