Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She even gives head with a lisp.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
