just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
