when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
