Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
