$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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