last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
