Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
