Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
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I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
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Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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