Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
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my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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