Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
