Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
love makes seman taste better
This house was built for laser tag.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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