Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
