Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
