tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
