The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
