It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
