maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
