Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize