i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
