YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
