Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
