im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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