Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
