Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
