im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
