if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
