D3 body, D1 cock
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
