the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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