Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
