i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
