from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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