The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
