I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
