what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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