im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
