if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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