Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
